The Word No One Wants to Hear

But the medicine that will bring us home.

A few days ago, we were traveling through Vietnam when I looked over at my husband Ben in the front seat of a car as his phone buzzed with a reminder. You could tell there was no thinking connected to this action, only instinct: he pulled out his mala beads—108 sandalwood prayer beads gifted to him by a dear friend in Bali—and began silently reciting his mantra- one recitation per bead.

This happened often on the trip- it didn’t matter where we were: on an airplane, at night after all the children were asleep, or in the middle of chaotic traffic in Vietnam. For 40 days, he committed to this meditation practice. No skipping. No excuses. He just… did it. It was a practice offered to him by one of our dear friends who would never call herself a medicine woman, but lord knows she is 100% just that. She offered a specific mantra and gifted him this mala with instructions to repeat the mantra 108 times everyday for 40 days after a long conversation they had at the cafe one day.

Watching him stay disciplined with this practice even amongst the movement and unpredictability of travel was so moving and inspiring. I know for me, I am rarely disciplined with the practices and tools that anchor and ground me in everyday life when we travel, but sweet goodness if THAT isn’t exactly when I need be disciplined enough to stay committed to the things I know work for me, regulate me, and connect me to the divine. I feel like discipline in some areas of life is easy when things are easy… but as soon as things get busy, tough, complicated, or circumstances change, that’s when discipline flies out the window.

He really inspired me and his commitment affirmed what I’ve known for years but resisted: discipline is the missing piece.

Not discipline in the “be a good girl and follow the rules” sense—but discipline as a form of sacred devotion. As the structure that invites my soul to speak more clearly than my mind.

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I am fully aware that this topic will likely get way less reads—because who on earth wants to read about the importance of discipline?

We were constantly told to be disciplined as children, in religious traditions, and at school… Even as an adult, the word itself can still feel painful to my bones. Understanding the root of the word changed everything for me.

The root of discipline is actually disciple. A disciple is a student—someone who is devoted to something more massive than their ego, thinking minds, or momentary mood.

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A Love/Hate Relationship

Throughout the course of my life, I’ve absolutely despised the mere thought of discipline. I would tell myself:

“Honey, you are made of water, here to grow with the flow… you’ve spent so much of your life following the rules. Let’s break them, my love, and really set yourself free.”

I still very much believe in that sentiment—I have an aversion to rules. In fact, if you give me one, I’m probably going to figure out a way to break it… or at least wiggle my way around it. However, when it comes to actually moving the needle of my life and seeing true change, it has always come from a space of deep and intentional devotion.

It has come from discipline.

The shift really began when I realized that to be disciplined is to be in constant discipleship with my own heart, with the divine around me and within me, with the reality of my own soul.

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No Thank You for Coddling

When I was teaching yoga, I always said:

I’m a teacher who will absolutely hold space for you and nurture you—but I will not rub your back and coddle you. I have loads of motherly energy, but it’s the kind that nudges you out of the nest and reminds you: you have wings. I won’t encourage you to stay small and nested.

This is why I get frustrated with the yoga and wellness world always offering child’s pose and encouraging such gentleness with ourselves.

Don’t get me wrong—child’s pose/gentleness is lovely and sometimes we truly need it.

But often, we think we need it just because we’re tired, we don’t have the strength to hold a more dynamic pose, or we just don’t feel like doing more.

There’s a fine line and it’s so vital to find balance. In a world that pushes us to grind and hustle, sometimes rest is the medicine.

But if I’m being honest, I often say things like, “I’m listening to my body. I’m not feeling called to meditate today”—when what’s actually happening is that I just don’t want to feel uncomfortable. I am spending too much time distracting myself and that gives me an easier and quicker dopamine hit than something like going for a walk, doing a yoga flow, or journaling…

Truthfully, my ego is often running the show, convincing me I’m honoring my needs—when in reality, I’m just avoiding the hard thing.

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A Prayer for True Devotion

Lately, I’ve been praying to God to help me become more aware of when my soul is speaking versus when my ego is convincing.

And with that prayer comes this quiet, holy request that has become a grounding force for me:

Because when desire and devotion yoke, discipline becomes less of a prison—and more of an experience of coming home to your own insides. I’ve found that the things I once avoided because in all honesty I just didn’t want to do them, became the very things my body, mind, and spirit craved when my ego got out of the damn way.

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The Magic of Devotion

That coming home is what I saw in Ben’s 40-day practice. He didn’t skip a day and the results were unbelievably obvious. He began working on projects with more focus and intention. He became a more compassionate and playful father. He even became more attractive to me- and we all know what a blessing that is in a marriage. All from a 40 day commitment that was so simple, yet poured into so many areas of his life.

I want to be clear, though- it wasn’t the mantra that had magical powers and the mala beads weren’t enchanted—it was his discipline… the action taken with the mantra and mala beads, the devotion to actually doing it every single day. That’s what shifted something within him. That’s what unlocked him. That’s what brought him further home.

I think it’s important to understand that in general about all things esoteric. Crystals and oracles cards, for example, will not change your life. They hold energy, sure- but really they’re just rocks and paper. It’s what you DO with the rocks and paper that activates powerful change in your life. Same with astrology readings- they don’t change your life at all (and yes, I realize this is literally my work)- It’s what you take from the reading and apply to your actual, everyday life that enlivens the transformation… the coming home. The magic that healers and esoteric honeys live for is solely based on action-based discipline and devotion.

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Morning Discipline (and Why It Matters)

Lately, I’ve been more disciplined with my social media intake because I’ve noticed my addiction.

Here’s the new structure I follow:

No phone at all until I’ve had warm lemon water and meditated. Then I can check texts. Once the kids wake up—no phone until they leave for school. Then I sit for one steeping of tea in quiet. Only then do I check social or email.

The result? I feel so much less agitated. I feel more connected. More creative. The energetic result of being disciplined with this addiction makes me excited to get to work, to start writing, and get moving with the day in a way that feels aligned with my soul.

And it’s really inspired me to be creating more than I’m consuming and helped me develop even more discipline around my creative projects—specifically writing my book. Because of this added discipline in my life, I’m finding it easier to be more devoted in the areas of life that really light me up, which in turn gives me so much more fuel to pour energy into the things that make me feel alive, like a badass, like a queen… a goddess—and then I don’t even have time or space for the things (or situations) that drain me.

For example, when I write, I set a timer for 25 minutes. My phone is in another room. No getting up for water. I don’t break flow until the timer goes off. This practice has taken discipline. I don’t naturally have the self-control to sit still and focus. But I’ve trained myself.

And in doing so, I’ve realized: Discipline is what sets my creativity free. I’ve feared discipline for so long because it always felt like prison—rules someone else gave me. But when I flipped the script and understood that discipline is devotion to Self—an act of reverence for my own heart—it changed everything.

Discipline isn’t the absence of freedom. It’s the structure that creates it.

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I’m Not Naturally Chill. I’m Devoted to Peace.

Another mom said to me this week, “You’re so naturally chill… do you ever get stressed?”

I laughed and said, “Girrllll… this level of chill has taken years of discipline and work.”

I’m not naturally stress-free. I am devoted to peace.

I’ve become a disciple of nervous system regulation—because peace isn’t a personality trait I was born with. It’s something I’ve decided I want/need.

I choose to not be stressed. I choose to not be worried and anxious.

I’m not saying it’s easy—I’m not saying anyone is bad or wrong for experiencing stress, worry, or anxiety. I’m simply sharing my own experience: I chose to not be and that didn’t mean I woke up one day and was stress-free.

It means that I woke up everyday for YEARS and poured into myself, became a disciple of peace, and formed discipline around practices that work—even if they’re uncomfortable—that help me become less stressed, worried, and fearful. As a result, I now know what regulates my system and what is dysregulating for my system because I have trained myself to pay attention and take action. Read that word again: TRAINED.

Through the discipline of daily meditation, tea ceremonies, yoga, prayer (and many other tools I’ve experimented with) I’ve learned the recipe for what genuinely works for me and have thus become more grounded and relaxed as a mother.

D A I L Y. P R A C T I C E.

And I keep doing the work (and let me reiterate… it’s work. Not to say it’s constantly hard and grueling, but many days my ego does not want to meditate, it is common for me to not really want to move or journal, but I do it anyway and every single time, without fail, I feel better and I’m glad I had the discipline to do it) —because I’ve made this vow with my own insides:

To be a disciple of my soul.

To make choices large and small throughout the day that weaken the ego and strengthen the intuition.

To quiet the excuses and amplify the medicine.

To release the desire to avoid what’s uncomfortable, and instead embrace what my spirit knows I need to grow.

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Reverence

A true disciple doesn’t follow “the rules or guidelines” out of fear or guilt (ego), but out of reverence and respect (soul).

So when I picture the life I’m meant to live—a life of richness, aliveness, love, and peace—I know it requires strength that only discipline can provide. Grace that only discipline can cultivate. Vitality that only discipline can activate.

When I catch myself saying,

“I don’t have time to write today…”

“I’m not feeling ‘called’ to meditate…”

“I’ll move my body tomorrow…”

I pause. Not to punish myself. Not to shame myself. But to return to truth.

Because don’t get me wrong, sometimes child’s pose is the discipline. But we must train ourselves to know whether it’s what our ego wants or what the body actually needs.

Enter the prayer I will share yet again:

Discipline is not the nemesis of intuition, creativity, and flow; it’s actually their bestie. It’s exactly what intuition and flow need in order to prosper.

When I imagine the woman I’m becoming, the life I’m stepping into—a life of prosperity, overflowing love, and aligned success… a woman who leads with her heart, creates more than she consumes, and loves with every ounce of her being—I know she didn’t get there by winging it and hoping for the best, waiting around for the timing to be “right,” and she certainly didn’t get there from scrolling the gram and watching other people do it.

She trained for it- Not with punishment, sacrifice, or rigidity, but with holy and sacred devotion. Not by pushing or forcing, but rather by returning over and over again to the altar of her heart, to what truly matters.

And so with anything these days, I ask myself:

• Is this carrying me into deeper devotion to my soul?

• What am I a disciple of in this moment and with this choice?

• Am I proud of my choice?

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Personal Takeaways

• Discipline is an offering to the divine creation you are, a candle you light on the altar of your heart, an act of reciprocity for the life you’ve been gifted.

• It’s honestly the least you could do and ultimately gifts you more than you could ever dream of.

• You think it’s your intuition speaking, when a lot of the time it’s just an excuse, addiction, or habit that needs to be transmuted.

• Continually pray to know the difference.

• Train the mind to want what the soul needs and take action to live in constant devotion to that union.

• The life of your dreams has nothing to do with “perfect timing” or “stars aligning” and everything to do with putting an end to avoiding the things, practices, or experiences you know you need.

My prayer for anyone and everyone who comes across these words is that we all become disciples of our own souls, devoted to the rhythm of our beating hearts, and disciplined with our every thought, word, and action- choosing what actually matters, what lights us up, what supports the evolution of the soul.

And in an effort to not only read these words, I’m wondering what it might feel like in your own life to commit to a 40 day practice yourself in order to cultivate a discipleship with your own soul. Maybe it’s praying every morning before your feet touch the ground, a social media detox, reading instead of watching, 5 min meditation everyday, a mantra/mala moment. Set a reminder in your phone if needed like Ben did and let’s see what shifts we experience in our lives when we really devote ourselves in this way.

Sending endless love now and always!

—Alee

Enjoy this playlist to help cultivate disciplined energy: